It's been easy for me lately to focus on the unknowns in my life:
- Will the construction business stay steady? (i.e. Will Matt have a job in January?)
- Will we be able to rent the house in Gresham come January? (again dependent on Matt's job)
- Will our baby come early? late?
- How should I best prepare when I don't have a room to prepare?
- Will we be able to raise the support we need to leave for Slovenia next summer?
- When is the next time after this year that I'll be able to spend Christmas with my family?
My list could go on . . . but that gives you a glimpse into some of my thoughts lately.
It's not so much that I need answers for each of the things going through my head. It's more a matter of learning to live with the questions, knowing that for most of them there is little I can do to prepare, and that the only thing my Heavenly Father desires of me is to NOT WORRY, but rather to trust him and rest in his leading and provision. Easier said than done, I know.
Here is an excerpt from a book I've been reading entitled He Loves Me. (I'm on my second time reading this book in the last couple of months - I highly recommend it!)
"He knows that you will only trust him to the degree that you are certain of his love for you. This is why he created you and why he designed such an extraordinary plan to teach you exactly how to lay aside your fears and walk into his arms. then he can scoop you up, hold you closely to himself, and fulfill what began in his heart for you since before the creation of the world.
This is the journey of a lifetime-to learn to trust him more and more everyday for the rest of our lives. The more we trust him, the more of his life we can experience. But don't try to do this on your own. You don't have it in you. He can take you by the hand and teach you just how much you are loved so that you no longer have to pursue your own way and protect yourself in the ways that only seem to backfire, hurting you and others around you."
So, I'm going to take a moment to reflect on the things I do know and am so thankful for:
- The Lord has provided a home for us since the end of June. Living with my sister Lynn has met so many of my unspoken needs.
- I get to spend this Christmas with family and friends.
- My pregnancy so far has been trouble free.
- The Lord has given me a wonderful husband who works hard and finds creative ways to love me and make me feel special.
- I have a Heavenly Father who desires a relationship that is based on the security of His love.