Reflecting

While we lived overseas I (Sharon) discovered that I really enjoy reading blogs. This probably came from the fact that we rarely found any magazines in English and if we did they were crazy expensive. So, I read blogs instead when I had a little free time.

Our time overseas was also the time that I was really struggling with not being able to get pregnant. (For any readers who don't know, it took quite a few years for Matt and me to be able to have kids.) Sometimes I found that I just had to take a break from looking at many of my regular blogs because they posted so often about kids . . .and having babies . . . and learning what it means to be a mom . . . I would find myself sitting at my computer with tears streaming down my face - wondering if God would ever bless us with children.

And I would have to just take a break from reading blogs.

And I remember thinking that if we ever did have kids I would not post a ton of photos and stories about babies because somewhere out there, there might be someone wishing that they too could have kids and they would walk away from their computer with tears in their eyes hoping against hope that maybe their dream of holding their own child would one day come true.

And that is why I so often I have held back from posting photos of Eliana and stories of what it has been like to become a mom.

I can't tell you how often we've taken a cute photo of Eliana and I've haven't posted it because I'd get a lump in my throat and my eyes would tear up thinking of any readers we may have who have been waiting a long time to have a baby of their own. . . and if that is you dear reader, please know that I understand that deep longing and I know what it's like to wonder if God will ever choose to answer that prayer - and all the while feeling like He is answering that prayer for everyone else. I pray that He will answer your prayers with a child. There is so much more I could write but I never know how much to put in a public blog. I guess I have two reasons for writing out these reflections:

1. If we do have any readers who would like someone to connect with about the pain of not being able to conceive, I would love to be a safe person to talk with. Email me or post a comment if you ever want to connect.

2. I've realized a few other things too. Just as I have waited many years to have a child, my parents have waited many years to be grandparents and my sister has waited many years to be an auntie. As I've reflected on this I've realized that I need to post more photos and stories about Eliana.

So, you'll be seeing more our little girl on this blog. Just wanted to share my thought process on all this.