I (Sharon) found myself avoiding my time with Jesus today. He has been exposing some of my heart attitudes - heart attitudes that are not so pretty and to be honest, attitudes that I'm feeling powerless to change. It's hard to want to spend time with someone when you feel like you're just disappointing them. But, I figured I should try anyway. So, I grabbed my Bible and went to sit in my big chair. . .but ended up just watching people on the street down below. Finally, I grabbed my iPod thinking, "Well, maybe a song will help me open my heart to Him." I "randomly chose" a song called "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns. The opening lyrics gave words to express what was going on on my heart. I won't copy all the lyrics, but here are some of them:
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours
This led me to think about a conversation that Matt and Jason were having recently about how some students think "Christ" is Jesus' last name. This then led to a conversation about how when we pray "in Jesus' Name," we essentially have taken on His Name in the same way a new bride takes on her husband's last name.
(I think Matt's direct quote was, "Just call me Matt Christ! None of this hyphenated stuff!" Maybe you had to be there ;-)
Anyway, that led me to think about what it means to be the Bride of Christ. He is cleansing His Bride (that includes me) to present her "pure and blameless." That's His role - and He delights in having this role. He is not waiting for me to "clean up my heart attitudes." Rather, He is asking me to entrust myself to Him so that through His love and His power, He will transform my heart. How does that happen? I have no idea! But I do know that it begins with me spending some time with Him today. I'm coming not fearing His disappointment, but rather seeking to enjoy His delight and looking forward to experiencing His power to transform my heart.
I'm going for a walk. And I'm taking my iPod.
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
You've told me who I am . . .I am Yours!
3 comments:
Wow! I think that is awesome. I have kinda been thinking God has been bring up some stuff in my life too, and it is encouraging to hear these lyrics and how we are His and it is all because of who He is and what He has done.
"He is not waiting for me to 'clean up my heart attitudes.' Rather, He is asking me to entrust myself to Him so that through His love and His power, He will transform my heart. "
Psalm 115:1-3
Not to us, O LORD, not to us,
But to your name give glory;
Because of Thy lovingkindness, because of Thy truth...
But our God is in the heavens;
And He does whatever he pleases.
I've been meditating on these verses and the truths in them. John Piper's book The Pleasures of God: Meditations on God's Delight in Being God has unpacked this verse clearly for me. Darling Sharon, you are so right that He does the work and he takes great pleasure in doing it.
I love that song as well. It gets our eyes up off of ourself and onto our great God. I may need that with me as I sit with a mother who is watching her child on life support and the future is very bleak.
Thanks Sharon for sharing your heart. I know that the Lord is delighted with who you are no matter what frame of mind you are in. Thanks for the encouragement. Love ya friend.
Stacy
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